I'm not a good actor. If I ain't happy, the times when I choose not to show my true feelings is when either I'm trying to stay positive or cos I don't want others to get irritated by my emo side or worry about me.
Another thing, if you're known for your positive side and there comes a time when you just can't seem to stay positive and you decided to let it out by crying or screaming or whatever, how will people react?
Argh. I don't know. This is a random post so bear with me. I've not been feeling too good lately. Not in terms of health btw. I've went through difficult times. We all have. It's when you've changed into a positive and happy person, suddenly something happens and flashbacks appear. I don't wish to go through those nonsense again.
Also, lately I've been hearing sad news from many friends about their broken love life. And I feel hurt too. To those who are hurting the other party, how does it feel? It feels good to hurt someone? It feels good to break their heart? I know some people do so for personal reasons. But still...
Oh ya, have you ever met someone who likes/love another person who is attached and somehow deeply in their heart, wishing that person was single or hoping that person breaks up with their lover? I swear I
There are times when you keep thinking twice of doing something. And then you decided to do it cos you don't wanna regret not doing it. So even if you fail, at least you won't regret. But when you've tried and it doesn't turn out the way you want it to be, you would really wanna think positive and say "c'mon at least i've tried"...But you just can't? Instead, you regret doing it. Yah yah those sucky feelings. Of course there will be better times ahead and there's a reason to why it didn't happen the way you want it to be. But oh god! That feeling sucks. Especially when it happened a lot of times already.
Also, when you like someone, you tend to focus only on that person right? For most people that is. And it's when you're only focusing on that someone that you can almost forget about others around you. Have you ever thought that if you like someone but didn't get the same in return, someone else is out there waiting or observing you the same way you're observing the other person? Some of my friends are suffering from that. So, am I included?
Also, there are those who have failed so many times and they label themselves as philophobic. Oh that word is so familiar. I've used it before in my previous entries. I've successfully got out of that syndrome but to think of it, I still am. I mean, I'm okay. I'm not heartbroken or anything. Really. But it's just that whenever there comes a time when you wanna give it a try, you just can't? The door to my heart is not opened yet. Maybe I lost the key. Sorry. But there are also times when you thought that you found the key and try to open your heart using that key, but the door is still locked. You found the wrong key again.
You can also get confused with your own feelings sometimes. When you thought that this is how you're feeling but deep inside, you know it's not it.
I have no reason to be angry or upset because of what happened recently actually. But I guess this feeling came up cos the situation keeps repeating, only in a different way and it reminds you of the past and you get all phobic again. It's frustrating when I've been a positive person all the while for a long time and things go wrong in a sudden. Or it is just me?
I guess it's best I learn the guitar and head towards my dream. It's way a better challenge than this. Even if I fail, it wouldn't hurt as much I guess.
Oh no I should stop complaining already. But I just had to let it out. It will make me feel better. But I should really stop complaining. God is testing me I guess. I know I'm stronger than this, whatever happened to me. I should get back up. On a positive note, there are always people being there for me and I'm thankful for that. Always.
I should stop already. Bye.